the nadir

I'm not sure if it was the nadir just for me or if Martin felt it as well. School was really hard today. Despite the brand new picture schedule I made that details all the steps of the school day. No matter that I was there all day to help him through the transitions. School was hard.

Other kids definitely noticed. Two little girls (who will someday probably be tyrannous cheerleaders) laughed at Martin when he couldn't figure out how to get around them in the hallway and he got all giggly and muttered "excuse me" over and over. At lunch, a five-year-old eating a hot dog and goldfish crackers told me that "Martin doesn't know how to do school." Try having a a five-year-old eating processed food and wearing a Spiderman t-shirt tell you how the world is. Believe me, you won't feel good afterward.

I am constantly amazed that Martin can have so much trouble and then - a few minutes later - be just fine. He also struggled today when his new tutor came over to do activities with him. He yelled. He ran away from her. But when she was ready to leave, he gave her the loveliest smile and goodbye. He was all sweetness and light. This continued until bedtime when he came to me and said, "Give me a hug, middle-sized bear." (He's really into the Three Bears right now.)

It's pretty hard to reflect on these rough experiences of the past few days. I feel weighed down by them. I'm not sure how I'll escape them. I'm willing to pay top dollar for spells and tricks that appease the gods of nursery school.