I'm really good at school, but I think it is stupid. The older I get and the more kinds of people I know, I've cultivated an increasingly skeptical attitude toward K-12 education. I just can't believe we push so many people through institutions so unsuited to them. I'm continually amazed that everyone is judged on the same scale: can your kindergartner skip, can your third grader read chapter books, does your middle-schooler understand Fahrenheit 451? I'm not sure Martin will ever skip, but I think he'll be into light sci-fi novels in the next 2 years.I've known some very cool homeschooled kids. My friend, Helen, just graduated from Temple with a degree in dance. Her brother, Jon, plays baseball in college. My friend, Luke, is in his last year of homeschooling and plays in a nice little rock band. They are nice, interesting, well-adjusted, and talented kids. None of them exhibit the stereotypes about homeschooling. They are far from socially inept or freakishy focused on particular topics.
But when I began to think about why people worry about homeschooling, I realize that their fears are about things with which most autistics struggle. Martin is somewhat socially inept. He is definitely freakishly focused on things (right now it's state birds). So I'm wondering if homeschooling would be the worst thing we could do - because it would cater to these propensities - or if it would be the absolute best thing we could do - because we could acknowledge them and address them with a personalized curriculum.
These reflections stem from my deep concern that Martin (at least now and for who knows how long) will not fit in at school. That he will never be a natural follower of classroom routines. That he will never recognize that there are social expectations he is supposed to fulfil.
Maybe it's time to come home.
Luke's mom here. I am now teaching at a cool little private school that is probably about the closest thing to home schooling that you can get in a "school." Of my 15 students (divided into two classes), there is one that I suspect is on the autistic spectrum, one I suspect of nascent mental illness, and two others who are clearly learning disabled. We struggle every day asking ourselves how much we force these kids into the mold (as loose as it is at our school) and how much we try to let them learn what and how they can. As a veteran home schooler, I sometimes I want to shake their parents and tell them to get these kids home and let them explore and discover and create and become the fascinating people that they have the potential to be. And yet when they DO learn strategies that make life in a structured environment easier, that seems like a real accomplishment, too. Good luck, Jen. I'm with you all the way, whichever way you decide. And, of course, the decision never has to be a permanent one.
ReplyDeleteAs a parent of two children who thrive in the school setting I acknowledge that my perspective is limited. But on a purely selfish side I would mourn the loss of diversity my children would experience if they only attended school with others who learn and view life as they do. Why oh why is it the child that needs to bend and not the system? MBS
ReplyDeleteMaybe a Montessori school would be a good match? I was just thinking about this the other day, because I get worried about bullying. My son is only four and right now goes to an ABA center for therapy during school hours. But if I have to keep him home all through school I will, if it means that I don't have to worry about him being treated badly when he is just a child.
ReplyDeleteAs a Mom of two sons with Autism, I have a perspective many don't have. We put our older son into the school system and it was the worst thing we could have done for him. So, for our son, he is homeschooling. It's the best thing for him. We know all of his issues, have an incredible team of professionals that we work with (feeding, OT, PT, speech, nutrition, DAN!, and so on), and can totally cater to his needs. We can get him the socialization that he needs in a way that will TEACH him those skills instead of just expecting him to do it naturally like other children, without Autism, do. I can help him learn in a way that suits his strengths and weaknesses without having to fight for every little aid he needs. If I am not sure, I can call in his team of experts that know him so very well and we can huddle, figure it out, and move on from there. For our family, homeschooling is the right decision.
ReplyDeleteI think you need to look at all the strengths and weaknesses of every educational option you have. Private, religous, public, home, co-ops, and so on. No one can tell you what is right for your son. No one. Only you guys know the answer. Never let anyone tell you homeschooling is bad for your child, never let them tell you it's what he should have. You know Martin the best.
The home schooling environment can be as diverse or as limiting as the parent chooses to make it. My home schooled son has had experiences with many, many people from different races, religions, nationalities, ethnic groups, income levels, political ideologies,and abilities. His comfort level with all these folks and his ease in relating to them is one of the things I'm proudest of. The private school I teach in strives for diversity, but that pretty much boils down to racial diversity. The kids there are perfectly comfortable with others whose skin color is different, but express fear and repulsion toward homeless people and know nothing of various religious groups, for example.
ReplyDeleteMarilyn... I fear that you may have misinterpreted my comments. I was saying that I wish public schools could bend more to make it an environment that could encompass multiple learning and living styles. And my mourning would be because parents of children who do not fit the set school operating style would look for options that are more understanding of their child's styles of operation... While I fully understand why a parent would do this, my child would lose the opportunity to learn to stretch and grow because of experiencing other styles of operation. It is through these experiences that make each child "normal" because often people shy away from what they do not know. BUT...I cannot ask any parent to submit their child to something that they believe to be harmful for their child just to benefit mine. MBS
ReplyDeleteWow, Jen. You certainly are fortunate to attract such insightful and respectful readers to your blog. How rare it is to see people online who have had different experiences reflect on them in ways that make the overall conversation stronger for the diversity.
ReplyDeleteThank you Marilyn, MBS and OurFamilyIsHis for your contributions!!!
Stacy
Joanne,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind comments and suggestions. As it happens, Martin *does* attend a Montessori school. The teachers and administration at his school love him very much and value diversity in the classroom sincerely. Unfortunately, as Marilyn very eloquently observes, even the most progressive and understanding schools have structural constraints that mandate a certain level of conformity. I say "unfortunately" even though I acknowledge the values (that MBS wisely points out) inherent in learning to work within structured social settings and with a variety of other people who have needs that may sometimes trump your own. But it is unfortunate because at the moment balancing Martin's needs and peculiarities with the needs of the other students and the classroom structure seems like a lose-lose situation.
Thanks for your comments!
Stacy